Reverse The Flow
One of the hardest parts about leaving a narcissist is wanting to go back to them, or wanting to stay.
In spite of lies, physical assaults, financial abuse, social sabotage……
Write a list of all the cr@p
they’ve done to you, and keep adding to it every time you think of something. Keep re-reading the list. How does this help?
- it reminds you
- it gets it out of your system/head
- seeing it in writing / on “paper” solidifies that it is real abuse and you deserve better
Wanna put this healing on steroids?
Video yourself reading the list,
telling about what happened. When you can handle it, watch it, replay it. Be empathetic to the person in the video: watch their face, see and feel their emotions. Be kind and understanding with them. Be patient. Hold space for them to heal.
Yes, that’s you you’re supporting. Yes, be patient with yourself, but also be kindly firm.
You deserve to be treated well
- write the list on your phone — Evernote, Notepad, whatever works for you. easy to go back and review and add to
- write on paper. again, re-read and review regularly so that you really remember that this person actually badly hurt you and will again if you give them the chance
Ritual For Ending The Pattern
When we get in a grind like that, with someone we love(d) but who refuses to stop hurting us, it can help to do something that truly epitomizes ending that pattern for ourselves.
You already know that confronting the narc, trying to discuss, “working things out”, …. none of it works and is actually really dangerous for you. You’ll never get any satisfaction with those routes. So, do something for yourself for a change. Literally. Do this, do it by yourself, and do it with the intention of supporting yourself.
Burn the fucker. Well, the list you made. Write down a separate list, a physical copy, of all the shit the narc has done to you. As you write it, feel in to it how you disapprove of those actions, that you no longer tolerate them, and that you no longer provide the opportunity for them to happen. You are free. Set yourself free.
If you can, physically burn the list.
If you can’t burn it, send it out to sea on a fast-moving river, throw it into the ocean, rip it up into a million little shreds and dispose of them in the best and most permanent way you can. Celebrate! Celebrate your freedom, your new healing, your new life, that you are still here. “I take good care of myself now.” Go home, shower, wash your hair, wash all of this, any residue, off you.
You Are Free